Creating a family
of values!
An old father went to live with his son,
daughter-in-law, and the grand child. The father is so old that his hands were trembling,
his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. Once, while having his dinner,
the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult
for him. Rice rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, water spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated
with the mess. “We must do something about our old father,” said the son. “I’ve had
enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” So the
husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, the old father ate
alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner on the family table. Since the
old father had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
Sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words
the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled
food.
The three-year-old daughter Varsha watched it
all in silence. One evening before dinner, the father noticed his daughter playing
with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you
making?” Just as sweetly, the girl responded, “Oh, I am making a little
bowl for you and mother to eat your food in when I grow up.”
The words so struck the parents so that they
were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word
was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took his old father’s
hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his
day, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither
husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk
spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
In a family
environment where values lead, there is no humming, no arguing, and no
conflict. There is no power struggle and children are not made to feel “guilty”
or “wrong.” All will let the issue go, whatever be the degree of seriousness.
This is one simple benefit of using family values – and there are many!
No matter how young your children are, it’s never too early or late to begin using
values as the bedrock of your family. If your children are too young to help
create your family’s value set, you will be able to create them as a parent
team and you will have the advantage of already knowing how to work with this system
as your children mature. You can always go back later and have your
children add to your value set.
And no matter how
old your children are; it’s never too late to have your family
philosophy! If you want to end teenage outbursts, family
misunderstandings, heartburns, relationship issues and so on…or to bring your
family members into the table with responsibility. It allows them to co-create
your family philosophy into a conscious agreement – and they will not be able
to argue with boundaries that they helped create for themselves. Think of creating a family of values!
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